No Need for a Diet Book


Santa stopped by the Groton Last Minute Holiday Craft Fair this evening. In fact, he even got out onto State Route 38 to direct 5 o’clock traffic to the Masonic Lodge because he thought everyone should see the spirit of Christmas inside.

As you entered the lodge from Main Street, tables laden with handmade gifts of all kinds lined the walls and floor. It’s the smiling ladies behind the tables that closed the few sales.

I knew from the ruddy cheeks and glisten to her smiling eyes that she had a sense of humor. Frankly, she was ordinary in appearance. Teddy bears in dresses sat upon her table among other craft items. She gave me a huge smirk and told me to lift up one of those pinafores.

I picked up a mason jar filled with peanut butter cups under the teddy bear head and gingham frock attached to the lid.

“You really can’t tell much about a gal until you look under her skirt,” this woman with some decades more experience than me said and grinned.

I looked a little longer at her table of godawful ugly stuff. It was fabulous kitsch in its purest upstate form. A little crochet, a little sewing, a lot of recycling of pop bottle bottoms….

Then I found the holiday gift I needed and it fit the bill for a tough-to-buy-for guy with a sense of humor.

Inside a 2 ½  X 4 inch clear plastic package was a cube of wood, ½  x ½ x ½ inch. The label attached read as follows:

EXERCISE KIT: This kit is for people who can’t find time to exercise. Just follow the directions. Lay kit on floor. Walk around it twice. Now you can say you walked around the block twice.

I had to buy two kits. One for me. I pray it works. New Year’s Resolutions and all.

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